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ARE MY BABIES IN DANGER?
by Jacqueline Starr
Screen Stars
August 1967
"There is one thing I'm never going to tell my children," she said, a grave expression crossing her lovely face, "I'm not going to tell them they have to respect me because I'm their mother--the TV star. Children shouldn't be made to believe their parents are perfect, incapable of making mistakes."
Liz Montgomery ought to know. For her first 18 years she idolized a father who was one of the most captivating and sophisticated lovers on the screen. And for the blue-eyed (sic) little girl, named Liz, Robert Montgomery could do no wrong. Bob bought a summer place 65 miles outside of New York City and there they'd go in the spring, and there he'd teach his tomboyish daughter to ride horses, to have respect for all of nature's works, and to read from his favorite books. Little Elizabeth had eyes only for Daddy, and what Daddy did. She watched his every move on film, and then imitated it as soon as she got back home. And when Bob returned from the set he spent long hours watching her and her younger brother Skip, filling their imaginations with anecdotes of the movie stars. A strong and gentle man, Robert was always amused with the little productions Elizabeth engineered. "Daddy, Mommy...you have to come into the living room right now, we're doing a play." For Elizabeth the play was the thing--because that's what Daddy did.
All little children, impressionable as they are, naturally emulate their parents. It's part of the learning process. Yet Bob Montgomery's career was hardly the one for a little girl to imitate. And even though Bob laughed and applauded the performances and assured himself that it was just childish fun, a passing fancy, there were shadows of fear and guilt in the back of his mind. There was one thing in the world he didn't want...and that was for his daughter to become an actress.*
"Your mother was so very wise to give up her career to marry me and raise you children," Robert explained to Elizabeth during her stage-struck teen years. "She was a darling actress on Broadway, and very successful, but she knew what her acting career would do to her family.
"You see, Elizabeth, I've worked with Garbo, Crawford, and all the rest of the great actresses, and I know what it means to devote your life to the screen. It's difficult to know who your real friends are. But worst of all, acting requires the constant rejection of your real self. Sometimes you don't even know who you are anymore. Imagine what that does to a family!"
Being young, determined, and stage-struck Elizabeth was deaf to his warnings, but today, as she attempts to combine motherhood and acting, she looks anxiously to her own children to see those warning signs of which her father spoke. So far her boys are happily unaware of their mother's fame. To them she is simply "Big Mommy" who is usually there when they need her. They are proud that Mommy has so many friends and is so beautiful, but sometimes they miss her when she is gone all day and returns home so tired.
Sooner or later, Liz knows, the boys will want to do what Mommy does. They too, will begin to mimic her, staging little performances in the back yard; ask her when they can be actors like their mother. Then, Liz fears, the whole vicious circle will start again. Must Liz give up her blossoming career to protect her children, or will she continue to be the charming TV star, who is a bad influence on the little ones at home. It all boils down to the same dilemma...Is Liz Montgomery endangering her family?
Robert Montgomery tried everything in his power to keep his daughter from confusing the Robert Montgomery--suave movie hero--with Daddy, the loving gentle man who was, nevertheless, human and capable of error. But Liz saw only a bigger-than-life father, the one on the screen. And when he tried to tell her about all the everyday problems of being an actor she just wouldn't listen. She was convinced that everything Daddy did was perfect and she intended to follow suit herself. That's when she ran into genuine trouble.
First there was her acting career itself. After trying for 18 years to dissuade Liz from becoming an actress, Robert finally gave up in dispair (sic). "If that's what you really want, there's nothing further I can do to stop you so I might as well help you out. Would you like to make your professional debut with me?"
There was no way Mr. Montgomery could avoid the pitfall set for theater parents. The love they have for acting is contageous, and parent and child alike suffer for it. And it was inevitable that Elizabeth would being (sic) to rebel aganst her father. "My art belongs to Daddy," she would cry. Every part she snagged on her own people would assume she got only because she was famous Bob's daughter. She loved him, of course, but she just didn't want to be identified with him any more. Finally, she had to put a continent between them, she had to make her way entirely alone. And only then in Europe could she begin to see Robert as a father, a person separate and different from the famous star.
For this reason, today, Liz is adamant about keeping love and respect in two different catagories. The last thing in the world she wants is for Bobby and Billy to grow up loving a famous actress--an idol--rather than a real human being. "Children shouldn't be made to believe their parents are perfect. I think you should always tell your children about the things you did when you were young, even the mischievous ones, as long as you stress the fact that some of them were wild, or wrong.
"I hope to continue to live my life so that the boys, and whatever brothers and sisters they may have, will be proud of me. I don't mean proud of me as an actress, but as a mother, and as a human being."
But Liz would probably be the first to tell you that idol worship wrecks more than a career. What she might not explain, though, is the way in which her first two marriages were affected. Liz has pushed those memories to the far corners of her mind and a mental rehash is still almost to (sic) painful undergo. But the questions still remain: Why had they both failed so miserably, if it wasn't because of that same nagging father complex? Most child psychologists agree that the influence of the dominant parent affects the child's future marital relationships. But Liz won't even discuss the first marriage to Freddie Cammann. She was only 18 (sic) at the time, and he a prominent casting director. Did she think she had found someone with her fathers maturity and wisdom in the handsome sophisticate, Cammann? If she did, she was quickly disillusioned because the marriage lasted a hasty year and Liz was single again before she was twenty (sic.) And in another twelve months (sic) she was married again; this time to Gig Young. Liz pretends that simply didn't happen. All the time she was searching for an idol to fill the spot vacated by Robert...Robert himself was helpless. He had wanted the very best, a rich woman's life, for Elizabeth. Yet here she was, twice divorced, and terribly confused. He couldn't help her. There was nothing he could do but have dinners with her when she came to New York, dinner with her when he went west, and talk to her by phone, guide and advise her career.
But now, at last Robert Montgomery can relax. Liz has found her own place in the world. She has married a man as different from Daddy as would be possible to find. Director Bill Asher may not have all of Bob's suave charm and facile savoir faire, yet he's the right man for Elizabeth. He's an equal match in talent, and more important, he's strong, and absolutely in charge of every situation. For the first time in years Liz can admit to herself that she is Robert Montgomery's daughter without facing angry self-recriminations.
It's a novel experience: Liz can let herself become wrapped up in a real, lovely home, a fine husband and delightful children. The last thing in the world she wants is to distroy (sic) that harmony. Now she can truthfully say, "from the time the babies arrived I began to feel like a real woman because, that's what women were put on earth for. Of course, if a woman has other interests, that's fine too. But to me the most important thing is the home. I enjoy a career of acting but it's a bonus. I'd give it up if it conflicted with my domestic life--in a minute."
Domestic life is bliss for the Ashers. It's a work together, play together situation in which the little ones receive the lion's share of the attention. However, the future may tell another story. At ages 2 and 3 children are very impressionable but they won't grow any less so as the years go by. How being "backstage babies" will affect Bobby and William, is impossible to foresee. Yet the problem nags Liz, and causes her to question each move she makes to further her own career. For at the back of her mind there is always the image of the little girl who had a famous actor Daddy who could do no wrong.