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BABY BOOK
by Jackie Jason
TV Photo Story
April 1966
B is for Broomsticks--and how they are used.
"I find broomsticks particularly useful in rearing a child," says Samantha, "especially when my boys act like little devils. I think most mothers know how I use it..."
C is for Chants--to put baby to sleep.
"You may sing lullabies," Samantha says, "but there's nothing like a good old-fashioned chant to soothe a baby to slumberland. I like variety and every night I chant a different one. (Editor's note: some of Samantha's favorites are, The Soothsayer's Soothe, Goodnight Little Gremlin and The Witchcrafter's Waltz.)
D is for Dolls (Voodoo-style).
"Who says little boys shouldn't play with dolls," Samantha says. "It just depends on what kind you give them. My boys don't get anything of the namby-pamby Raggedy-Ann variety. Give them a good voodoo with plenty of pins. It sure keeps them occupied. Just be sure you keep all the voodoo dolls out of sight when neighbors come for a visit. They may realize that their arthritis pains aren't arthritis aches or pains at all..."
E is for Enchantment--A witch-mother's delight.
"Strange as it may seem," smiles Samantha, "witches like me find babies enchanting, even when we have to change their diapers. I guess that's because we can change their dispositions, too--simply by putting them in an enchanting mood. That's one thing for sure about being a witch. You almost never have cry-babies."
F is for Fortunes--and how to tell baby's.
"Just hold up baby's little foot. See the squiggly lines running across the bottom? Well if the line runs straight across in an unbroken path from heel to toe, it means baby will have a long happy life. If there are a lot of little lines cutting into the main one, it will mean that one day baby will have lots of little children himself!"
G is for Goblins.
"They're really merry little creatures," says Sam. "When I'm very busy I just call them out to play with the boys. Just don't call on them too late in the evening. They tend to be a bit mischievious then!"
H is for Mother's little helpers (the magical kind).
"These are the little devils who use their own hocus-pocus to make Mommy a happy witch."
"I know you earth-mothers need a lot of this yourselves," says Samantha. "I find it quite helpful with my boys. For instance, if you find yourself in the middle of a tribe of wild Indians, or see your crew marking up the walls or cooking up a mess, just imagine they're all in somebody else's house. Honestly, it works (at least for a little while)."
J is for Jack-O-Lanterns.
"I don't restrict them to Halloween. But, of course, that's because I'm a witch. Just don't forget to have them around--they'll scare away all those evil spirits. And they are cute, don't you think?"
"Just the thing to keep kiddies rainproof," says Samantha. "The only trouble is that most department stores don't sell them. And they're not readily available. But if you come across them, buy one for your child. It's said Kangaroos have mystical powers."
L is for Lotus Petal Soup.
"This is a recipe I've gotten from some Far East witch friends. Gently shred a lotus petal, add three drops of honey and a teaspoon of water. Mix up with a lot of love. This soup is guaranteed to make all children sweet."
M is for Magic.
"This is used a lot like imagination. For a witch like me, of course, magic means casting spells and making toys and conjuring up good elfs. But you homemakers can use magic, too--in the kitchen and in thinking up new games for children to play."
N is for Nonsense.
"You just can't have a happy household without a little nonsense," admits Samantha. "Nonsense includes playing with spooks and hiding from ghosts, like your game of hide-and-seek. It's all a very important part of growing up."
O is for Octopus Nectar.
"They say fish is brain food. So you might get your children to drink this. Carefully chop up octopus tendrils. Blend them in your blender with a little milk. This stuff's so strong, it's likely to turn your kids into little geniuses--just from one glassful."
P is for Pocus--
You ususally use it with hocus. But if there's none available, use it alone. It should get results when you want to wish your children in bed, wish them quiet, well-mannered, or anything else you may desire of them."
Q is for Quakes.
"I've never used earthquakes to shake my children up. But then again I'm not an earthly being. Now I've heard of moonquakes and starquakes. They're sort of little thunderings parents have when they get annoyed with naughty children. They're stronger than pocus or even hocus-pocus. Warning--just don't make them last too long."
R is for Rabbit's Foot.
"Tie one on to baby's carriage. It will bring him good luck."
S is for Spells--and how to cast them.
"They'll think you're the greatest Mommy in the world. Cast a magical spell by baking fresh butter cookies or deep-dish apple pie. The children will love it--and you!"
T is for taboos.
"You've got to have some around the house to get things done. My taboos are no riding on broomsticks through the house, no tasting of my witch's brew, no pulling the black cat's tail. I'm sure you can devise a few of your own!"
U is for Toadstool Umbrellas.
"Have your children take these to school when they wear their kangaroo capes. They're quite waterproof and, if they are the right kind, they make a good lunch."
V is for Vanishing.
"I think every mother needs to do this once in a while, and I'm sure you'll agree. All mother and no peace makes baby a dull child."
W is for Witches.
"I think every house should have one. They're handy for telling the most fascinating tales to children. And for a lot of other things, too!"
X is for Xclamations.
"You're sure to have many from your children if you bring them up with my baby book."
Y is for Yellow Moons.
"When they're halfed on the day of baby's birth that means he will have many riches. If it is full it means he will have a full life. If there is no moon, better cast a spell..."
Z is for Zodiacs, Zebras and Zwieback, all of which are essential in bringing up baby.
"The Zodiac is his horoscope sign. Zebras are those intriguing animals which delight children. Us witches put a black cast on some Central African white horses a few centuries ago, so they're our favorite animals, too. As for Zwieback, well, it's yummy for witch babies--human ones, too. And they are tasty rewards for being a good child!"