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WHY SHE WILL NEVER LOVE HER NEW BABY AS MUCH AS SHE LOVES THESE CHILDREN!
TV Picture Life
July, 1969
And indeed it is! For Liz can never love her new baby as she loves these two sons. How could she? They are her special children. Willie, the first-born son who carries his father's name, and Robert are the sons who strengthened the Asher marriage and made it the impregnable rock that it is. It would be impossible for any mother to love a third child as much as she does her first two under these circumstances.
Liz spoke candidly about her family and this special problem of theirs on the day she first told us she was pregnant. She stood in front of her dressing room mirror giving a fast flip to her long blonde hair. She was wearing a pale peach-colored floor-length silk nightgown for her next scene as Samantha in Bewitched, and she looked marvelous and glowing and supremely slender and maybe nineteen years old - and not the least bit pregnant.
"Oh but I am!" she said cheerfully as she turned away from the mirror and flopped into a small blue chintz flowered armchair. "I certainly am! Although sometimes," she added, with a somewhat puzzled glance at her flat tummy, "sometimes even I wonder just where this baby is hiding!" She laughed, and suddenly she looked all lighted up, extra happy, extra alive, and of course . . . right now . . . she is.
Right now she is getting ready to welcome her third child ... (she and husband Bill Asher who produces and directs their hit show Bewitched already have two beautiful little boys, Willie and Robert) . . . right now she is deep in plans for the new baby, getting the nursery decorated and ready, checking over delightful little lists, getting out some of the things her boys used when they were infants, ordering some specially lovely new things.
Now she said again, with a slightly baffled look on her face . . . "I can't imagine where this baby is hiding! I certainly didn't look like this before either Robert or Willie was born." She laughed. "My goodness, then I was huge . . . enormous!" . . . her arms went out to encircle an imaginary enormous balloon . . . "and there was just no doubt! But this time ... I don't know. I don't look the same and I don't even feel the same as I did with the boys." She paused for a moment and then said slowly, “Just the same ... I hope this baby will be another boy. I would really love to have another son."
I was surprised and said so. "I thought perhaps after two boys . . . you might want a girl."
“No", said Liz, looking thoughtful and serious. "I really wouldn't. I'd rather have a little boy. I like boys. I think I understand them and get along well with them. Certainly Robert and Willie and I have great times together. I was a tomboy when I was little and perhaps that's the reason. Besides" . . .with a sidelong glance "I really don't like little girls!"
"You don't?"
"No," said Liz firmly, "I don't." Then she grinned and added wryly, "Little girls I understand only too well! I was a little girl myself once and I know what goes on behind those great big innocent eyes! Now a little boy is absolutely straightforward. He'll kick you in the shins or yell, 'I hate you' and you know exactly where you stand with him. But little girls are so much more subtle . . . devious . . . well, tricky is the word! ... and you're never too sure just what they're up to. Boys may get into more trouble, and they are certainly louder and they fight more, but they are honest and less complicated, and that," said Miss Elizabeth Montgomery, "is why I'd rather have another little boy!"
She left the dressing room in a flurry of pale peach satin and Valenciennes lace to begin her next scene and me to reflect on her statement. If little boys are honest, so is she. Most women feel exactly as she does but they rarely have the courage to admit it. But Mrs. Asher is all-woman, (although not, at the moment, a yard wide) . . . and she says what, she thinks, which is probably one reason all the men in her family, big and little, adore her.
When Liz came back after her long and tiring scene, she calmly sat down in her armchair again and brushed all the tangles out of her hair, while she talked about the coming baby, and her two beautiful little boys and her own childhood. As she began to speak we thought again of how impossible it would be for her to ever love another child as much as she loves these boys who have been so important in her life. Psychology has discovered that it is not unusual-in fact it is perfectly normal-for mothers to have favorites. There is no reason why Liz should ever be ashamed of loving her first-born sons more than her other children if she does not treat them special. Of course, Liz is not the type of woman who would ever let her children know that she has favorites.
"When I was little I tried everything," she said, "but I knew that my parents had certain limits for me and that they meant what they said. When they said No - that was it. There was no use trying to argue. Bill and I are raising our children the same way. We think children need and want definite limits. They want to be controlled! Our boys may try things, but they don't get away with them!"
"Do they know about the new baby yet?" I asked her.
'No," said Liz, her face softening, "they don't. Not yet. Willie is only four you know, and Robert is just three and it will be almost four more months before our new baby arrives. Four months can seem like an eternity to a young child. Besides, in the series, Samantha is pregnant too and I think all that pregnancy would he just too confusing to them. I'll tell them beforehand of course ... they'll probably begin to notice that something is going on," she chortled. "Sooner or later they'll see that Mommy is getting just a little fat! I think when they ask questions, that that will be the ideal time to tell them. If they don't . . . then I will certainly tell them before the baby is born."
Liz doesn't anticipate any problems with jealousy. Her own two little boys get along so well and are so beautifully raised . . . (and that is not just the Ashers' opinion. Everyone with whom I talked, who knows the boys, says the same thing) . . . and Liz is very much a fulltime mother. "I am so fortunate in having a marvelous nurse-governess for the boys," she told me. "Her name is Joy Cowlin and she is wonderful. Loving but strict, and she never tries to take over from the parents as some nurses do. I've had a few . . ." the Montgomery eyebrows went up . . . "not for long though, who either did nothing at all, or tried to ease me out of the picture entirely. It's difficult to find exactly the right person, one whom you can trust completely, but we've found her in JOY and I'm grateful.
We all love the boys and we all know the rules and we all enjoy the children. Oh, sometimes they are so funny! The other day I was upstairs in my bedroom when I heard this terrible bellowing from the yard below. I rushed to the window, looked down and there stood Robert sobbing loudly, while Willie stood by, looking defiant and worried all at the same time.
"I yelled down . . . 'What's the matter?’" recounted Liz.
"Glugg woofll habble grotll HIT me," said Liz, doing an hilarious imitation of a small boy telling a horrendous story. "Well, hit him back!" said Liz patiently. "Learn to defend yourself.” She drew her head back inside the window and within moments, peace reigned below stairs.
"You can't fight every battle for your children," Liz told me. "They have to learn to fend for themselves. On the other hand there are certain kinds of behavior, which I just won't tolerate. Like biting. Robert has been starting to bite Willie . . . whom he calls Wally for some strange reason! . . . and of course I won't permit that. I explained to him how much it hurts when you bite someone and I told him that if he didn't stop I might have to bite him, just so he'd know how it felt."
"I'm kind of like a mother lioness in a way," said Liz. "Have you ever noticed how animals will cuff their cubs lightly when they first misbehave? They'll do it twice, rather gently as a warning, but the third time . . . WHAM . . . it's not a light cuffing, it's a real swat . . . and usually, the cubs get the message.
"That's the way I was raised, too, you know. My parents talked to us children and reasoned with us the first time or two, but after that we were punished, and no nonsense about it.”
The past few months cannot have been very easy for Liz. She had a few queasy months at the beginning of her pregnancy, then the flu epidemic hit Southern California, as it did the rest of the nation, with tremendous impact, and Liz was felled by the flu bug for a few weeks. And then there was the momentous change in cast . . . Dick York, who had been ailing, was finally forced to leave the series on doctor's orders and was replaced by Dick Sargent. Any change in cast causes upsets, but this was a pivotal role and Dick York had played Darrin since the beginning of the series, so his leaving was really a traumatic experience for everyone involved. But Liz never allowed it to upset her or slow down the shooting schedule or cause any extra hardships because of her own feelings. She's self-disciplined enough and loving enough and talented enough to control herself and get on with the job at hand . . . in spite of the fact that she was pregnant and not feeling well much of the time, and quite naturally upset over the fact that her long time friend and co-star had been forced to leave. And she did it with such grace and style that her co-workers really forgot the extra handicaps under which she was working.
As we sat talking about children, and babies, an assistant suddenly poked his head in the door. "Mr. Asher wants you on the set, please."
"If it's Mr. Asher the director, tell him to wait," called Liz loudly. "But if it's Mr. Asher the producer, I'll be right out," she added under her breath with that wicked gleam in her eye. It turned out to be Mr. Asher the producer, so Liz sailed out, did another scene and then came back in again for a costume change.
"I don't care at all really, whether we have a boy or a girl," she confessed. "A healthy baby is what really matters. I love this child already. Because it's our child. A little girl would be - just fine."
A little Liz? That would be very special indeed! And even though Liz can't possibly love the new baby as much as she does Robert and Willie at first - although she can never love her third child in the same very special way that she loves her first two sons - in time the new child will find its own special place in her heart. And it will be loved as much as any child has ever been loved. Because that's how much love Liz Montgomery has to give.
Thanks to Allison for this article.